DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband for 19 years, and we have established a loving, stable relationship despite some very tumultuous times. I have always known he finds me attractive, and he compliments my appearance, but many times throughout our marriage, his demeanor toward me has changed if someone more attractive is around. (He repeatedly checks out women while we are on a date, or even pretends not to know me when they walk by.) He has never been unfaithful or anything like that.
He recently told me I’m “very attractive” but not beautiful, and that the women he has disrespected me over in the past were more attractive than I am. His comparisons of me vs. them are uncalled-for and embarrassing and have made me question my appearance. I’m not bothered if he finds people attractive, but to treat me poorly because of it and make distinctions between my looks and theirs makes me feel inadequate and judged.
Are my feelings normal? Isn’t it understandable to feel put off, or am I nitpicking, immature and expecting too much? — ATTRACTIVE, NOT BEAUTIFUL
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