Last Thursday evening I stood in a pub off Brewer Street with a pint in one hand and an elbow on the bar, talking with an old friend that I regularly find myself taking over the media world with.
By the second pint we had solved the skills crisis, where Spurs will finish next season and I’d advised him on his new electric car purchase. The doors were open, the crowd had spilled politely onto the pavement, and for ninety minutes the British economy was doing exactly what it says on the tin.
However, it turns out I was part of the problem. Buried in Westminster City Council’s new draft licensing policy, out for consultation until five o’clock this evening, is a desire for West End venues to swap “open bar space that caters for high volume vertical drinking” for seating, table service and the ordering of food. Vertical drinking, for those who have not kept up with the literature, is standing up with a drink. In a pub.
The council has since insisted there is no plan, and never has been, to ban standing up in a Westminster pub, which is what organisations always say once a consultation catches fire. But the draft statement of licensing policy says what it says, and licensing policies are not mood boards. They are the criteria against which every new licence and variation is judged. If the policy smiles upon seated table service, applicants will promise seated table service, and the West End will get it by increments, one genuflecting application at a time.
Even Downing Street felt moved to intervene, declaring that busy pubs full of people talking to each other are “not a public nuisance, it is British life, and it is thousands of jobs”, while Sadiq Khan complained that you cannot run a world-famous nightlife district with a village-hall mindset. When No 10, the Mayor and every publican in Soho find themselves in furious agreement in the second week of August, something properly daft is afoot.
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