DEAR ABBY: I’m a single mother of an 18-year-old son with autism. I have known “Cliff” for more than 20 years. We live on opposite coasts. I want to be with him and he with me, though he doesn’t want my son to live with us at this time. He wants it to be just the two of us for a while. Abby, my son is not able to live on his own. Do you have any advice as to what to do? — CLUELESS IN THE WEST
DEAR CLUELESS: It troubles me that Cliff is already trying to exclude your son from the equation. What exactly does he expect you to do with your son during this “honeymoon” period, and how long does he think it should last? It is important that you find out before this romance goes any further. What alternative living arrangements does Cliff have in mind for your son, what will they cost and who will be expected to pay for them?
You didn’t mention how functional your son is, or how he interacts with others. Because he is 18, it’s time to start thinking ahead regardless of Cliff. What will become of your son if something should happen to you? Would he be cared for by other relatives? Would a group living arrangement work for him?
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