Therapy may fuel family estrangement and cutoff culture, experts say

NEWYou can now listen to Fox News articles!
Amid a reported surge in parent-child estrangements, some have questioned whether therapy could play a role in the family fracture trend.Nearly four in 10 Americans are currently estranged from at least one close family member, according to a 2025 YouGov poll of 4,395 U.S. adults, including 24% from a sibling, 16% from a parent and 10% from a child.While therapy can be helpful in facilitating communication and mending relationships, some believe it could contribute to “cutoff culture.”5 REASONS MORE AMERICANS ARE CUTTING OFF THEIR OWN PARENTS, ACCORDING TO PSYCHOLOGISTIn two recent large-scale surveys of over 5,200 U.S. parents who were estranged from adult children, 1,014 parents reported that their children began therapy within the year before the estrangement. Amid a reported surge in parent-child estrangements, some have questioned whether therapy could play a role in the family fracture trend. (iStock)Meanwhile, 515 parents reported that their adult children had indicated therapy influenced their decision about the relationship, and 1,254 said their child had received a mental health diagnosis.(The surveys were not peer-reviewed or nationally representative and relied on parents’ accounts of their adult children’s experiences, limiting what can be concluded about therapy’s role in estrangement.)The therapy debateRichard Blake, Ph.D., a Texas-based psychology researcher with a focus on anxiety and family estrangement, refers to the trend as an “overcorrection” happening in today’s society.”There is a lot of debate online about whether it’s happening or not,” Blake, who was a researcher in the surveys referenced above and has written a book about how therapy could be fueling family estrangement, told Fox News Digital.”I hear it from both sides. I hear from parents who say, ‘My child said my therapist should cut you off,’ and people who’ve told me, ‘My therapist told me I should cut my parents off.’ How much it’s happening and when it’s appropriate and inappropriate is where the nuance comes in.”Laura Wellington, a Connecticut mother who has been estranged from her adult daughter since 2024, also weighed in on the potential role therapists play in the growing divide.”Therapy has sort of raised the bar of what is good enough parenting.” “Do therapists, in my opinion, play a role in the estrangement epidemic? 100%,” she told Fox News Digital. “But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some really good therapists out there.”Wellington, known on social media as “Doormat Mom,” said she believes some therapists have contributed to family fractures by focusing too narrowly on one person’s experience, when it’s actually a “multi-pronged situation.”CUT OFF BY YOUR ADULT CHILD? PSYCHOLOGY RESEARCHER REVEALS WHAT PARENTS SHOULD DO NEXTShe said some therapists have even contacted her to reconsider their approach to estrangement cases.”I’ve had them come to me and ask me, ‘What did we miss?’” she said.Wellington added that she has seen parents encouraged to apologize to their adult children — something she supports when the parent has done something wrong — but believes therapists should consider the broader circumstances surrounding the estrangement.What’s driving the divideDifferences in values can contribute to family fractures, even in the absence of severe behavior such as violence or abuse, according to Blake.”People are cutting people off because of divergence in values,” he said.As one example, Blake pointed to a recent online comment in which someone wrote, “I cut my parents off because they didn’t condemn ICE enough.” In two recent large-scale surveys of over 5,200 U.S. parents who were estranged from adult children, 1,014 parents reported that their children began therapy within the year before the estrangement. (iStock)At the same time, he emphasized that there are legitimate circumstances in which ending contact with a parent may be warranted, including physical or sexual abuse.”Then you get into the sort of very murky area of emotional abuse, and this is where therapy culture comes in,” Blake added.WHEN IS A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS TOO SEVERE FOR TELEHEALTH? WARNING SIGNS FAMILIES SHOULDN’T IGNOREThe researcher said he believes the term “emotional abuse” is sometimes applied more broadly in therapy and online spaces, particularly in conflicts over politics, religion and language.”Emotional abuse can be [about] differing political values, a little difference in religious beliefs,” he said. “It can be about the words people use.””If you don’t listen to your child, then don’t be surprised if you have conflict with them.” What a parent views as legitimate criticism can sometimes be interpreted as emotional abuse by an adult child, according to Blake.”Therapy has sort of raised the bar of what is good enough parenting,” he added. “There’s just a massive sort of overselling in therapy of how much your parents affected you.” Wellington added that she has seen parents encouraged to apologize to their adult children. (iStock)In some cases, Blake said, he will hear from parents that their children never told them the issue that led to them being cut off.”They’ll say, ‘We were best friends. And then I got a letter saying, ‘never contact me ever again.’”Blake emphasized, however, that it’s important for parents to listen if the adult child makes an attempt to communicate.1 IN 6 ADULTS PLAGUED BY LONELINESS AS RESEARCHERS REVEAL LASTING IMPACT OF COVID PANDEMIC”A frequent complaint that most adult children make is, ‘My parents just don’t listen. I cannot get through to them. It’s like talking to a brick wall,’” he said. “And that is a genuine frustration.””If you don’t listen to your child, then don’t be surprised if you have conflict with them.”Blake recommended active listening techniques, such as allowing the other person to speak without interruption, repeating their concerns back to show understanding, and asking whether they have more to share before offering a response.Blake emphasized that his concerns do not apply to all therapists, saying only a “small subset” may view cutting off family members as an appropriate response to conflict.In situations involving ordinary family conflict rather than abuse, he cautioned that ending contact can have longer-term repercussions even if it initially brings relief.‘QUIET QUITTING’ IN MARRIAGE: THE SUBTLE SIGNS A SPOUSE HAS EMOTIONALLY CHECKED OUT”It makes you feel good, but there are consequences afterwards — very serious consequences,” Blake said.He also challenged the idea that the sole act of cutting off a parent will necessarily resolve underlying mental health struggles. One expert challenged the idea that the sole act of cutting off a parent will necessarily resolve underlying mental health struggles. (iStock)”This is the sort of myth that pervades in cutoff cultures, like, ‘I needed to cut my parents off to protect my mental health,’” he said. The assumption, he added, is: “My parents were the cause of my mental health issues, therefore cutting them out resolves that issue.”Other experts have emphasized that people’s experiences with therapy during family estrangement can vary.CLICK HERE FOR MORE HEALTH STORIESLucy Blake, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist in the U.K. who studies family estrangement, told the American Psychological Association that therapy can be “very helpful” in some cases.”I think people can find therapy very helpful if their therapist has an understanding of estrangement, so some appreciation that it’s rarely one relationship that’s affected when there’s an estrangement,” she said.”This is the sort of myth that pervades in cutoff cultures.” Therapy can also be beneficial when therapists understand underlying factors that can contribute to family estrangement, such as abuse or mental health challenges, the psychologist noted.Blake has also heard from people who found therapy “very unhelpful,” particularly when they felt their therapist lacked warmth and validation or did not understand the “enormous impact” of estrangement and the grief and loss that can accompany it.CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP FOR OUR HEALTH NEWSLETTEROverall, Blake said therapy can be a “really helpful avenue of support” for some, while noting that researchers are “still really learning” what is helpful or unhelpful for people experiencing estrangement.Finding a path forwardFor families experiencing conflict, bringing in a neutral third party may be a better option when both sides are willing to participate, experts agree.”Communication with a mediator, whether it’s a therapist or a professional mediator, can be really productive,” said Richard Blake.Once a family member has already ended communication and asked not to be contacted, however, getting both sides into therapy may no longer be an option.CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE FOX NEWS APP”I certainly think it’s worth a try,” he said of mediation. “I know a lot of very good mediators out there who can help people.”Wellington agreed that bringing parents and adult children into therapy together could be helpful, although both sides need to be willing to repair the relationship.TEST YOURSELF WITH OUR LATEST LIFESTYLE QUIZShe also added that differing beliefs do not necessarily have to end a relationship.”You can have a different opinion,” she said. “You can also have a relationship with your parent who has the other opinion, and that’s OK.” Melissa Rudy is senior health editor and a member of the lifestyle team at Fox News Digital. Story tips can be sent to melissa.rudy@fox.com.

Credit: Source link