DEAR ABBY: We lost our 16-year-old daughter two years ago to leukemia. It’s been a difficult two years. I am writing to ask if there are rules of etiquette for visiting a loved one at the cemetery? We go regularly. I decorate the area in front of her stone with holiday or seasonally appropriate decorations. Other family members and friends visit as well, and most leave little trinkets or fresh flowers that I pick up and throw away when they wither, or bring home and put in our daughter’s room.
My problem is, one family member opens cards that have been left there for my daughter, and puts all sorts of cheap decorations around her grave. Recently, they put decorations directly on her gravestone which left large stains. We are now left searching for a professional to remove them, or her stone will need to be replaced.
I’m beside myself. This is where I go to talk to my daughter to feel closer to her. It took a year for her stone to be set. I took my time choosing just the right etchings and picture, and it’s a stone befitting our beautiful angel. Would it be wrong to set rules as to what people can and can’t leave when visiting my daughter’s final resting place? Can I tell someone they are no longer welcome to visit? — PROTECTIVE IN PENNSYLVANIA
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