DEAR ABBY: I was married for 39 years to “Morris,” an alcoholic and a spendthrift. In 2010, he announced he was having an affair with his boss, and the next day he moved in with and eventually married her. I was left filled with anger and resentment, and so were my two grown boys. Eventually, we realized what a toxic environment it had been and accepted hearing from him only twice a year or so.
A few months ago, Morris’ wife died, and he has been wanting to be “friends” and a “family” again. He has no friends and has been retired more than 10 years. None of us wants to be that involved again (though he has been in AA for 10 years), but my older son, “Justin,” has begrudgingly become the recipient of his father’s multiple daily texts and emails.
Morris is lonely and depressed. We have told him to go to counseling, volunteer, take classes, etc., and Justin and I have tried to set limits. Justin just got married and wants to share the burden of their dad, but my younger son hasn’t communicated much with Morris. Justin’s wife doesn’t want Morris to disrupt their lives. Unfortunately, Morris now wants to move closer to them.
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