DEAR ABBY: My favorite aunt was dying. Her daughter is my favorite cousin, so I texted her almost every day with encouragement. When the doctor said the end was near, I backed off messaging to give the family space to themselves.
Thirteen days later, I received a text with a photograph of my aunt’s grave. Ensuing texts and phone calls indicated that my cousin’s older brother had grandstanded and taken over. Questions about her service and burial went unanswered. I expressed dismay; our family had been the first to call about almost everything.
I have read a great deal about forgiveness — when to offer it, and when to forgive the messenger but not the action. That is the stance I have taken. My once-beloved cousin responds as if all is well between us, though she has asked twice if I would rather she stop communicating, given that I rarely respond. Twice I have said, “That is up to you.”
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