DEAR ABBY: When my daughter, “Trish,” and her husband separated, I reached out to each of them for occasional check-ins. Trish left him after confessing to infidelity via email. He messaged me with a copy of what she’d written, which included some damning things about me — that she was “like” me and that I am “not a good person.” She never forgave me for crossing the line with a longtime friend decades ago. My husband owned his part in the situation, and we’ve moved past it. Apparently, she has not.
Although Trish and her husband reconciled briefly, she’s moved out again and plans to divorce him. I’ve offered to go to counseling with her if that would help, but I don’t know if she knows I know what she said about me. My son-in-law apologized when he realized what that revelation must’ve felt like. He shouldn’t have shared her email without permission, but it can’t be undone now.
My daughter is cordial but guarded when we occasionally speak. She lives far away. Should I tell her I know what she said about me, and hope she sees it as an opportunity to get to the bottom of issues between us? Do I continue to reach out in love and compassion, not knowing if she’s still holding this grudge, showing her that I love and forgive her, regardless of our mistakes in the past? — IMPERFECT MOM IN FLORIDA
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