DEAR ABBY: Over the course of 12 years, my husband and I have gifted more than $400,000 in down-payment money to our adult daughter and her husband. Both are now in their mid-40s. I gave them most of this money behind my husband’s back.
Recently, my daughter has been pressing me for more money, saying, “good grandparents/parents help their kids.” I give them $1,200 a month in cash and student loan payments, and I have done this for 10 years. I finally told my husband about my deceit, and he is being incredibly forgiving of me. He understands I have insecurity issues, and I worry about losing my daughter’s love and contact with our grandchildren.
Two years ago, our daughter told us that due to our “difficult personalities,” she needed boundaries, and my husband and I were allowed to visit only one week a year (they live 3,000 miles away). This came as a shock, since my husband cared for our grandchildren from birth until the family moved away when the kids were 4 and 6. We have traveled with them and thought we were close.
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