DEAR ABBY: I am a retired executive chef, divorced for many years with three adult children. My son was also an executive chef, but no longer. He is a mean alcoholic. He stays drunk when not at his job, and he says cruel and nasty things to all family members. His older sister has written him off because of all the hurtful things he has said about her and her family. He calls me when he is drunk and wants to talk about cooking, though he hates it. He doesn’t listen to me at all and just goes on and on. His mother passed three years ago, and he has never gotten over it. He was her favorite.
I love my son very much but can’t talk with him anymore as it upsets me for days after. How can I get him to seek counseling? He won’t listen to anyone. He admits that he has an alcohol problem but chooses to do nothing about it. The only other family member who still talks to him is his younger sister, and he is mean to her as well. What can we do to help him? — ANGUISHED DAD IN TEXAS
DEAR DAD: I am sorry for your pain, but you cannot force your son to deal with his alcohol addiction. Until he faces the full consequences of what it is costing him — in other words, hits rock bottom — he will do nothing about it. I hope you will consider visiting some Al-Anon meetings, which you can find by going to al-anon.org/info. These meetings are everywhere, and you should have little difficulty finding one. If you do, you will find other parents, spouses, siblings and friends of alcoholics who are trying to deal with the same issues as you.
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