Therapist explains ‘quiet quitting’ in marriage and how to repair it

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“Quiet quitting,” a workplace term for doing only the minimum required, has also been used to describe a pattern in some marriages.In relationships, the informal term refers to spouses who remain together while reducing their emotional effort, communication or involvement in the relationship.Couples may continue managing day-to-day responsibilities, such as household tasks and parenting, even as one partner becomes emotionally and physically disengaged, relationship experts say.‘NO CONTACT’ ON THE RISE: NEARLY 2 IN 5 AMERICANS CUT TIES WITH LOVED ONESDiscussion of the term has gained traction on social media, with users sharing videos and posts about remaining in a marriage while feeling checked out.Licensed marriage and family therapist Lisa Brookes Kift, of Marin Therapy and Counseling in California, told Fox News Digital that a noticeable absence of friction can be an early warning sign. Couple laying in bed and looking at their cellular phones, ignoring each other (iStock)”It’s a myth that an absence of arguing in a relationship automatically means the relationship is healthy,” Kift said. “Many are conflict-avoidant and rather than address their feelings, opt to sweep them under the rug, which over the long term erodes the foundation of emotional safety.”Kift said a person’s attachment style — patterns of seeking closeness and support in relationships — can influence how they respond to marital distress.CUT OFF BY YOUR ADULT CHILD? PSYCHOLOGY RESEARCHER REVEALS WHAT PARENTS SHOULD DO NEXT”An avoidant style may be more able to stay in their own lane — on their own island — to ride it out, because they are most comfortable resourcing in themselves,” she said.Those with a more secure attachment style are less likely to stay in that dynamic, as they may be more inclined to give a partner the benefit of the doubt and believe problems can be worked through, the expert noted. Early lessons about trust, worthiness and whether personal needs will be met heavily influence how a partner handles marital distress. (bymuratdeniz via Getty Images)These patterns can be shaped, in part, by early experiences involving trust, worthiness and whether a person’s emotional needs were met, according to Kift.”What did they learn about whether their needs would be met? Whether the most important people to them could be trusted? That they were lovable for who they were and not what they did?” Kift asked.When adult relationships appear to repeat those early disappointments, partners can lose hope, she added.CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP FOR OUR HEALTH NEWSLETTER”I’ve seen quite a few people in my therapy practice who have taken this stance, where there have been failed attempts to get emotional and other needs met, leading to hopelessness,” Kift said.Kift identified several early signs that a partner may be becoming emotionally disengaged.Decline in open communicationUnresolved conflictsGrowing impatienceA tendency to assume the worst about a spouse’s intentions rather than giving them the benefit of the doubtLeft unaddressed, the relationship could shift into what journalist Monica Corcoran Harel described on Oprah’s podcast as “parallel play” — a reference to toddlers playing side by side without meaningfully engaging with one another.CLICK HERE FOR MORE HEALTH STORIESRepairing a marriage requires both partners to re-engage, Kift said, which can be difficult once one spouse has become deeply emotionally detached. Signs like reduced communication, unresolved arguments, growing impatience and assuming the worst about a partner’s intentions can signal an impending emotional slide. (iStock)”If one has fully checked out, they will not be open to repair,” she said, adding that hypervigilance — remaining on guard for hurt or disappointment — can make it difficult for a person to recognize positive changes in their partner.TEST YOURSELF WITH OUR LATEST LIFESTYLE QUIZFor couples willing to work on the relationship, Kift suggests starting with a conversation that feels safe and communicates care.CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE FOX NEWS APPAs one example, she suggested saying: “I know it may not have looked like it, but you and our marriage are very important to me. Can we find a time to sit down and talk?” Khloe Quill is a lifestyle writer with Fox News Digital. She and the lifestyle team cover a range of story topics including food and drink, travel, and health. 

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