Europe’s strict ‘cover-up’ rules slap tourists with fines for wearing swimwear in the street

Brace yourself. I’ve got a budgie to smuggle.

As I’ve found out the hard way, Europeans like to think themselves sophisticated.

They had a couple of enlightenment figures write some books a few hundred years ago and now they’re all: “you can’t wipe your mouth with your hand” and “no wearing swimmers off the beach, you dirty convicts!”