DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman with a 21-year-old daughter, “Penny.” I got pregnant at 16 and was very much alone, with little help from those around me. For a variety of reasons, I decided not to involve the father or his family. They knew I was pregnant but chose to remain uninvolved and haven’t helped in any way. I worked hard to build a life for Penny and myself, and I have remained single all this time. Her father has since passed away, but he had several other children, and his parents still live in our same small town.
I thought my secret (and right to privacy) had been respected, but I recently found out that someone told Penny about her “other family” several years ago. On my daughter’s 21st birthday, her paternal grandma called her and told her she had a birthday gift for her. This “birthday gift” was a paternity test. Come to find out, Grandma is in poor health, and her other granddaughter was her primary caregiver, but the young woman has now moved across the country. I suspect Grandma wants Penny to assume this role.
Penny is angry with me for not being honest about her history and angry that her grandmother, who has known about her for many years, is choosing to acknowledge a relationship only now. I am furious that they are putting my daughter in this situation. Am I wrong? How can I smooth this over? — SECRET’S OUT IN COLORADO
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