DEAR ABBY: My husband of 31 years died suddenly five years ago. Our family — four kids, six grandkids — was devastated. We still haven’t recovered. We used to be a happy bunch, spending time at the lake, backyard barbecues by the pool and football games. My husband was an integral part of this. With him gone, we now get together only on major holidays. The siblings no longer call each other or me, or spend time together. My oldest son quit communicating with us altogether because I recently remarried, and he doesn’t care for my husband.
I’m retired now, and I always thought my retirement would be spent enjoying good times with my kids and grandkids, but that seems to be a fantasy at this point. I honestly think they wish I had been the one to die, and it breaks my heart. How can I bring us back together, or is the loss of my family as I knew it something else I must mourn? — GRIEVING IN MISSOURI
DEAR GRIEVING: Of course things changed with the death of your husband, their father. He may have been the core of those barbecues by the pool, the visits to the lake and the football games. That does not mean that you, the kids and grandkids cannot have enjoyable times together now and in the future, but you all will have to accept that they are different.
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