DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 30 years. We both were previously widowed and have grown children and a large number of grandchildren. From the beginning of our marriage, we funded many things for our children — cars, college, weddings, eating out, shopping trips, vacations, etc. Because we’re now retired, we can no longer afford to foot the bill for everyone. Yet, since this pattern has gone on so long, it’s expected. No one even offers to pay for anything if they’re with us.
Because of this, we have decided to no longer participate in some family activities. We simply can’t pay for everything. None of the “kids” seems to realize that we’re trying to live within our adjusted means, or that even if we had the money, we should not be obligated to continually foot the bill.
On the other hand, on our special days (Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthdays, etc.) only one of the grown children even bothers to send us a card. At Christmas, all of them receive a nice card and a family check from us. The one who sends us the Christmas card includes a gift card. The other five seldom even respond with a “thank you.” Sadly, most of the grandchildren are the same way. Their birthday cards and checks are never acknowledged.
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