DEAR ABBY: Let me start off by saying I have a great life, a good job, a loving boyfriend and family I adore. I’m a 42-year-old woman with grown children and grandkids. In the past, I struggled with low self-esteem and now choose to keep to myself.
My life with my boyfriend of seven years has helped me to be more open and has boosted my self-worth. With him, I don’t have to hold back about what I am truly feeling inside. However, for the past couple of years, I have been wishing to be in a car accident or get injured in some way just to feel pain. I often see accidents on the highway and can’t help thinking “that should have been me.”
I don’t want to kill myself or wish harm on others, but I just can’t get this feeling out of my head. I don’t want to talk about it with my boyfriend because I’m afraid he’ll think I might harm myself and would worry. I have considered counseling, but I’m afraid I’ll be prescribed depression medication or, worse, be hospitalized.
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