DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with colon cancer five years ago. After two surgeries and three hospital stays, I recovered. The experience made me realize at 62 that it was time to downsize. I moved my husband and myself into a smaller, one-story home in a lovely retirement community.
I have now been diagnosed with incurable metastatic cancer. I’m being treated to prolong my life. The treatment is hard and is taking its toll. I am having a hard time preparing my husband for when I’m gone. I think I’ve taken the necessary steps. I want him to be prepared, but he doesn’t seem to want to prepare. We have been married for 45 years. I have briefed our daughter on where the important paperwork and legal documents are, but I want him to take the lead. How can I get him to participate? — PREPARING IN NEVADA
DEAR PREPARING: There is no way you can force your husband to take the lead on this. He may be so emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed at the thought of losing you (after 45 years!) that he’s in denial or unable to think beyond the inevitable. Be sure your daughter knows all of your wishes to be carried out before and after your demise, because she may need to step up. And forgive your husband. He will have to get through your loss in whatever way is natural for him.
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