DEAR ABBY: I made a terrible mistake moving 2,000 miles across the country to be closer to my grandchildren. In the past, I have always noticed my son and daughter-in-law treated the other grandparents better. They roll out the red carpet for my daughter-in-law’s parents. They arrange outings with them, take photos and post the special grandchild-grandparent moments on Facebook. No one takes photos of me doing the same things with the grandchildren. It is also hard to do things with them because my daughter-in-law is always rushing them to do something else. It’s like she wants her parents to be the only ones who have a special relationship with the grandkids.
I feel sick to my stomach every day. In the past, I couldn’t take off work to travel for visits like the other grandparents, so I missed out on a lot. I thought by moving here I would stop feeling like an outsider with my grandchildren. I am single and still working, and although this was a major disruption to my life, it was a sacrifice I thought was worth making for the joy of being a more involved grandparent. But not much has changed. What do you think? — OUTSIDER IN TENNESSEE
DEAR OUTSIDER: That queasy feeling you describe may be anxiety. This is something you should discuss with your son. Before I render any judgments, it would have been helpful to know if you discussed your “possible” move to Tennessee with him and his wife to see how they felt about it. Or did you simply announce you were coming? If they welcomed the idea but haven’t included you, shame on them.
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